Sex Toys for Troy King

Have I ever told you how much I love Loretta Nall? She is just way too cool.

Apparently things are so grand and wonderful in the state of Alabama, that the attorney general has to look for busywork to keep himself occupied. This means calling for a crackdown on sex toys.

No, no you did not misread that. Douchebag Attorney General Troy King wants to pass a law to make it easier to crack down on stores that sell sex toys. Consenting adults having too much fun in the privacy of their own homes is giving this turdlinger the vapors.

In response, the charming Loretta Nall responds with:

Now, I only have six words to say to AG King about his anti-dildo crusade..FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS TROY!!!

Can I get an AMEN?

I understand how frightening and threatening it must be for Mr. King to imagine that there are people (women!!) that get their rocks off in ways that he finds distasteful and sinful. However, what happens between myself and my tool box is none of your jizzwax.

I endorse Loretta Nall's campaign to send this weenie some...weenies. Fill his mailbox full of sparkling new sex toys.

MTV Anti-Drug Ad

Just when I think that bullshit, anti-drug propaganda can not possibly get any worse, some bit of horrible trash comes along to lower the bar once again. MTV took a generous helping of bullshit and topped it off with homophobia and VOILA! You get this garbage.

In case you aren't able to see the video, for whatever reason, it consists of three guys sitting in a car. They are "hot-boxing", which refers to smoking marijuana in an enclosed environment in order to increase the effect. The dude in the passenger seat passes the bong to the guy in the back. While the dude hits that bong, the two brothers sitting in the front seat share a full-mouth french kiss. The guy in the back is disgusted and horrified and says "Aren't you guys brothers?" The horrified brothers shrink down in their seat. The screen flashes the words "If you get high, don't drive."

This commercial sent home the following messages loud and clear:

-Homosexual men are the lowest form of life.
-Smoking marijuana will make you homosexual (and the lowest form of human life imaginable, even worse than a muslim!!!)
-Smoking marijuana will make you do absolutely crazy, horrible things, even worse than driving a vehicle stoned.

I haven't decided which idea is the most stupid or offensive. Frankly, it's a toss-up.

My kids' indoor grow-op

My kid is obsessed with plants and animals. She made me take her to the greenhouse yesterday. We have a dog, two cockatiels, an indian ringneck parrot and two tanks full of fish. We also have a broken-down piano that is housing my childs' indoor grow-op. I should start charging admission to my zoo. Just make sure to step over the piles of animal feces.

I'm a man

Just pop one of my posts into the Gender Genie and see for yourself. I popped in three of my blog posts and all three of them diagnosed me as male.

I found the Gender Genie as I was swimming around in the raw sewage of the Men's Rights blogosphere. I can't exactly remember where though but all the MRA sites are the same. Just a bunch of babies whining at the loss of mens' unearned privileges. WAH WAH WAH

Random Bloopers aka Link Dump

First we have a pedophiles' dream, as a group of school boys were required to strip naked for a drug test in Australia. We also have a great repudiation of the validity of drug testing at Scientific American. Apparently, drug testing is ineffective! Drug users are able to cheat and prescription drug users are wrongfully branded as drug abusers. This just in, scientists claim drug testing is BULLSHIT! Read it for yourself. Shocking, I know.

Stephen Glauser emailed me pics of my dream house. If I owned that place, I could live out my dream of prancing naked through a field (or greenhouse) full of cannabis plants. Thanks Stephen!

As I was browsing OnMarijuana I stumbled on these delightful reasons not to get high via NinjaPirate. For the record, NinjaPirate is full of it.

I was also quite amused by this story in the Denver Post about a mayor that won an election because a felon was allowed to vote. The felon turned out to be the mayor's son. Sometimes crime does pay. Mwahahahaha!!!!

Finally, we have the story of medical marijuana being signed into law in New Mexico by Bill Richardson, a long shot Democratic presidential candidate.

I have an analogy

Hitler is to Mein Kampf as Michelle Malkin is to the John Doe Manifesto. I am not sure what is the most disturbing aspect of her unhinged rant. Could it be her promise to prevent American schoolchildren from being indoctrinated into Sharia law? Or was it her promise to teach all Americans to fear brown people as much as she does? I really can't decide. With heavy doses of blatant racism and her promise to turn America into 1984, with children acting as junior spies against their parents and internment camps for non-conformists, the woman practically parodies herself. How could Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart make that seem any worse?

This kind of hateful rhetoric should no longer surprise me. But I am rather shocked and disturbed by how much support she gets. Why are so many people buying it? Go and read the commenters. They really believe that "Democrats" are the biggest threat to national security and are inviting terrorists to blow up America! What the hell is wrong with people? *cough* Soviet Union, East Germany, Berlin Wall *cough*

Saskboy has more.

I hate Oprah Winfrey

Why must she take advantage of all the gullible idiots in the world and peddle this mindless trash? Isn't she rich and powerful enough? One of these days I am going to leave a bag of flaming dog poo on her door step. One of these days.

In case you have been living under a rock, I am refering to The Secret. Instead of praying to the ghost of a dead jew to have your deepest desires fulfilled, now you can just wish them into existence with The Secret.

Maybe if I keep imagining Oprah Winfrey opening her door and discovering a flaming bag of dog-poo and stomping it with her bare feet it will really happen. That would surley put a smile on my face. Oh yeah.

I like this pic.

It reminds me of small-town Saskatchewan. I don't know why I like this pic but I just do.



via Saskboy

Don't Show this to my Co-Workers

I don't think they would get the joke.

Seriously though, don't people have better things to do than make lame Spongebong Hemppants movies? How dare they desecrate my favorite spongy nice guy!

Politics Sucks!

Especially when it leads you to assume responsibilities that nobody else wants, such as bookkeeping for a small, grass-roots political organization, that requires you to pore over receipts with a small child whining in the background, "Mommy when will it be swim time" and you have to freeze your buns off picking up signs for said politicial party and then you get so tired and cranky that blogging is a chore.

Blogging a chore? I am a bloviating windbag that can never, ever shut up. Everybody knows that. If blogging has become a chore, than the world has surely gone crazy.

Anyway, Peter is much more entertaining than my blogular naval gazing, at any rate. He, like, makes fun of the DEA for trying to be cool and he has a bunch of excellent links to press releases. So smoke a bowl for me and go nuts. I am either going to strangle my child, go back to bookkeeping or give in and take her to the swimming pool. Either way, there will be no bowl-smoking for me for a while. *sigh*

Drugs and Alcohol

What a stupid and obnoxious waste of a phrase. Alcohol is a drug, putting it into its' own category does not change that fact. I wish I could say drugs and everybody would know that I was including alcohol. That would be the smart and sensible thing. But since we live in a flawed and biased world, where drug prohibition is justified by the existence of drug addicts, it won't happen anytime soon.

Merry Cephalopodmas!

My kid is still mad at me for this.

"But Mooooooom! Squids are grooooossss! EW!"



(For you igoramuses out there that don't know about the War on Cephalopodmas, I suggest you read this and this.