Pregnancy Sucks

I have no qualms admitting that pregnancy was torture. The physical changes to your body make you feel like an alien has taken over. Spending months eating nothing but spaghetti noodles due to uncontrollable nausea is even less fun than it sounds. And why can't people quit telling me to eat healthy food and quit drinking coffee? Coffee causes miscarriages. And forget about smoking weed! If I had been able to overcome my own guilt at the idea of irreparably damaging my fine, little fetus with marijuana smoke, the condemnation of friends and family would have been enough to keep me from wanting a smoke. Luckily, the idea of smoking a joint had no appeal for me while I was pregnant. But the fact is that carrying a fetus does not make it any easier to abstain from doing the things you love, even for the sake of the baby. Beer and coffee taste just as good (unless you are spending all your free time puking).

But the know-it-all busybodies have no qualms about reminding you that everything is bad for the fetus. Better not have a drink or your kid will end up with fetal alcohol syndrome. Better not change the cat litter box or you will get toxoplasmosis and your baby will die or be born blind. Better not drink coffee. Or eat cheese.

I recently found a great new blog called DoseNation with an excellent post about pregnancy hysteria. Apparently there is no good reason for medical professionals to tell pregnant women to completely abstain from alcohol. One glass a wine a day will not harm the unborn fetus. But you will never, ever hear that from a health professional or well-intentioned busybody. Better safe than sorry, you know.

I remember trying to convince one of my pregnant friends that the toxoplasmosis fears are over-stated and changing the litterbox is not dangerous. I can understand that she needed a reason to make her man clean up after the cats but there is no reason to fear changing the litterbox while pregnant.

Besides, if a pregnant woman had to abstain from every activity that is just as dangerous as changing the litter box she had better not drive a car, use a cell phone or go ice skating. I used to ice skate while pregnant just to annoy people. Since I can skate better than I can walk my fetus was never in danger. But you would never know it by listening to my ridiculous friends and family.

Maybe we should just make it illegal for a pregnant woman to leave the house. For the sake of the fetus. Because women can't be trusted to do what is best for their health.

Speaking of awesome pregnant women, check out preggers Jenna Elfman in a game of basketball. This video made my day. This video is not work safe.